Get all 8 The Mess Inside releases available on Bandcamp and save 60%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of a brief reminder, All Dead Years, what hath hell wrought, Dead of Winter, NLM///Gathering Dust To Build A Mountain, Nothing Will Come of Nothing, NWCON Singles, and Doublethink.
1. |
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are you here with me?
do i feel you floating through my body?
are you whispering to me?
is your voice shuddering and wishing me well?
because i have not been well
i've seen you between all the trees
i've seen you wandering my school halls
i've seen you praying in this room to me
i've seen you washing out all your sins
are you here with me?
do i feel you floating through my body?
are you whispering to me?
is your voice shuddering and wishing me well?
because i have not been well
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2. |
nlm
03:40
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seemingly out of habit
i found myself placing
things to block the door
as a sort of counterweight
and nobody was home
nobody was home at all
nobody was home
nobody was home at all
all i've got left in my lungs
are fragile, weak breaths
and stifled cries
and all i've got left in my eyes
are distant moons far away from you
and nobody was home
nobody was home at all
nobody was home
nobody was home at all
and nobody was home
nobody was home at all
nobody was home
nobody was home at all
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3. |
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0 full of scorpions is my mind
I taste bitter root in my mouth
No weapons forged against me shall prosper
Any evil wished against me shall be reflected back tenfold
O existence, let me be known
My eyes calcify over time
Muscles rot and sinews snap and melt
Until blood and ash cannot be told apart
Your fathers, where are they?
And the prophets, do they live forever?
O my unrestrained rage!
My mind's fury renders me unable to see straight
Driven to madness by blinding anger
I will use what's left of my strength to raze and salt the earth
Your fathers, where are they?
And the prophets, do they live forever?
Gathering dust to build a mountain
Whatever it takes, I will expand the expanse
Between you and me
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4. |
strangers (again)
03:03
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now we're strangers
now we're strangers
now we're strangers
strangers again
now we're strangers
now we're strangers
now we're strangers
strangers again
i always wondered if you'd miss me,
and if i came back, if you'd remember me
heaven's in your touch and
heaven's in your laughter and
heaven's in your embrace
but i'm never going to heaven
now we're strangers
now we're strangers
now we're strangers
strangers again
now we're strangers
now we're strangers
now we're strangers
strangers again
i'm finding myself at the bottom
of an empty swimming pool
i miss you so goddamn much
that the color is draining
out my eyes and out my skull
and out my mouth out goes my soul
out my eyes and out my skull
and out my mouth out goes my soul
out my eyes and out my skull
and out my mouth out goes my soul
out my eyes and out my skull
and out my mouth out goes my soul
now we're strangers
now we're strangers
now we're strangers
strangers again
now we're strangers
now we're strangers
now we're strangers
strangers again
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5. |
dprsnlztn
02:28
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helpless against the noise in my head
clawing through sinews and layers of me
until my whole world's red
shrieking with joy as i locate
what's left of myself
tearing out the worst and feeling peace
as the whole world turns to black
the whole world turns black for me
one of the few things that i really want
cause all i really want
is for everything to go wrong
happy birthday
merry christmas
go away
go away
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6. |
unending dread
01:51
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stupid, weak, ineffectual boy
all your grand gestures
are ultimately worthless
grind your teeth and narrow your eyes
hold back flustered tears, and spit on the ground
it'll all be for naught
all your grand gestures
are ultimately worthless
screaming in an empty room
nobody can hear you
and nobody cares
you'll never have what it takes
to mean anything to anyone
silently going through your days
some day they'll end
and no one will notice
creeping sense of unending dread
in a hundred years, none of this will matter
stupid, weak, ineffectual boy
all your grand gestures
are ultimately worthless
grind your teeth and narrow your eyes
hold back flustered tears, and spit on the ground
it'll all be for naught
all your grand gestures
are ultimately worthless
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7. |
nameless vultures
03:22
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nothing of consequence
is cropping up in my vision
nothing of importance
will ever come to fruition
my mind is slowly rotting,
and what's left of my body is seeping
into the stomach of the earth
whole masses of memories and of achievements
all washed away in the snow
everything will eventually be reduced to nothingness
and if the stinging, unending waves of pain and fear
aren't gripping my heart,
then nameless vultures sitting on my chest,
ensuring that i never make myself known
because why should i?
what have i done to deserve to live?
who here can cast the first stone?
who here even cares?
i am consumed by the trivialities of life
i am paralyzed by the banalities of being
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8. |
feedback loop
02:52
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sitting and waiting patiently
seeing the sun but feeling no warmth
blithely watching the colors drain out of me
when will the world
when will the world end?
who's that coming
coming round the bend?
looking left and right,
knowing my life will come crashing down
soon enough
there's no real chance
of living in perfect splendor
or feeling the urge
to get out of bed in the morning
it's important to temper your expectations
disappointment's too hard to deal with
when will the world
when will the world end?
who's that coming
coming round the bend?
looking left and right,
knowing my life will come crashing down
soon enough
it's not a matter of if, but when
it's not a matter of if, but when
it's not a matter of if, but when
it's not a matter of if, but when
it's not a matter of if, but when
it's not a matter of if, but when
it's not a matter of if, but when
it's not a matter of if, but when
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9. |
oh my; and then, god
03:40
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dreamt that a lamb bit my thumb
broke the skin, drew blood
the pain of salvation flowing freely
it's a lonely feeling when you let go of me
felt your gaze move on when you got what you wanted from me
it's a lonely life, la di da
it's a lonely world
it's a lonely life, la di da
it's a lonely world
forgive me father, for i have sinned
i didn't mean to break my wings
it's just a bad habit of mine
a favorite way to kill the time
bending away the slake
it's a lonely life, la di da
it's a lonely world
it's a lonely life, la di da
it's a lonely world
we're all so far away from where we want to be
and we're all several degrees from who we need to be
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10. |
holy ghost fades
02:07
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i will stare at the wall until the pattern forms
i will obsess over words and phrases
until i find the meaning and the origin
where did i misplace all of these memories?
god existed in my childhood memories,
but i'm losing them one by one
every day the holy ghost fades a little more
every day the holy ghost fades a little more
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11. |
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every minute feels like borrowed time
and i'm too focused on hearing the moments tick away
to do anything of note with what few seconds i have left
i keep trying to absolve myself of shame by saying that i tried
but god, did i?
oh god, did i really ever try?
i want to go home, but home won't have me
i want a good life, but my mind won't let me
every good moment in my life, i have forgotten
all i want is pain and loss and to finally let go
but god, will i?
oh god, when will i finally let go?
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The Mess Inside Asheville, North Carolina
lofi from the abyss
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