Get all 8 The Mess Inside releases available on Bandcamp and save 60%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of a brief reminder, All Dead Years, what hath hell wrought, Dead of Winter, NLM///Gathering Dust To Build A Mountain, Nothing Will Come of Nothing, NWCON Singles, and Doublethink.
1. |
exorcise
01:33
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stoplights and street signs
grow blurry as
i drive further
from you
you are not here now
but still i cough and tremble
exorcising you out of me
requires a spirit
i no longer know how to use
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2. |
forgotten suns
02:01
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i wake up and
hear the news and
get ready for work
as if nothing happened,
that 200,000 dead doesn't
affect the way i breathe
as if it's healthy
to be aware of so much
that we have so little power over
it's all so much
and all the time
it's all so much
and all the time
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3. |
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here i'm visiting you in your new life
the world here seems ever so bright
i wait for you to turn away
i bite my tongue so i don't say i still love you
i say "love what you've done with the place"
when i finally find a way
to exit with a modicum of grace
i find myself half a block away
staring at the concrete, thinking of you
saying "love you madly for a change"
love what you've done with the place
no room for me or our past places
accepting things as they are
"love what you've done with the place"
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4. |
city dump
02:31
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it's early enough on garbage day
that i don't think they've arrived yet
so i climb into my trash can
and pile up coffee grounds and newspapers on me
so as to hopefully remain unseen
and then the lift, and then the pull
clattering against the garbage truck
tilt inwards, i fall right in
i hit my head on a glass bottle
i decompress amongst the filth
i decompose a bit more each moment
and when i get to the city dump,
i awake to find i'm already there
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5. |
lonely all the time
02:35
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the world turns on its axis
and everything changes all the time
well, one of these days, i hope that
i can change and heal this heart of mine
everyone but me seems capable of changing
and moving on, but here i am
nice people say i shouldn't do
what it is i'm about to do
well, what do they know of pain?
there's no way this ends well
all that's left is for it to end quick
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6. |
god's cigarette lighter
02:37
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how could i live without sin?
that sweet and sickly icing
makes me glad to be alive
wishing i was god's cigarette lighter
striking against the gears and becoming
that which i was born to be
lick if off my fingers until i
feel no more, thank god, i feel lighter
in the air, i breathe the thing you said just now
lingering softly, pausing before it goes
hit me one more time, make me cry
each tear growing lighter
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7. |
if it weren't for you
02:44
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i will find some way
to tell you that i love you
but i can't seem to use
my mother tongue
let's construct our very own language
the first grunts and gestures give way
to dull apprehension
until our illumine hearts can touch each other
it's okay if it's not you
that's alright, it's fine
just don't make me feel stupid
for wanting it to be you
it's okay if it's not you
that's alright, it's fine
just don't make me feel stupid
for wanting it to be you
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8. |
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the sun is rotten to its core, don't you think?
spitting hellfire at me until i'm at the brink,
don't you think? don't you think about anything?
don't you think about me?
i don't think i'm thought of by anyone,
and even more rarely understood
i don't even understand this heart of mine, don't you see?
full of constant sorrow, childish fantasies, and hopeless dreams,
don't you see? don't you see me standing here?
don't you notice when i'm around?
i don't see myself in the mirror—
i'm a vampire sucking blood from my own wrist
mama, call a lawyer, i'm dead serious, don't you know?
i'm swearing off love until at least tomorrow,
don't you know? don't you know i'm serious?
don't you know i'm heartbroken?
if i can't make that girl love me,
then i can't make me love myself, oh no
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9. |
mouthful of mechanic
03:16
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mouthful of mechanic
garbled jargon unfamiliar
to my mother tongue
beings that i'm not informing
the being i am
arms full of technical
an armchair that's no longer
in the room but is still occupied
by a dog no longer living
existence of something not remaining
in something that does
something that does
open waters in all directions
losing all sense of myself
feigning in prose and weeping in poetry
a repose ill-earned juxtaposed in a moment
trapped in time until it's not
eyes full of past sight
you no longer are, but i currently am
i may have lost the plot a little bit
you no longer are, but i currently am
i may have lost the plot a little bit
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The Mess Inside Asheville, North Carolina
lofi from the abyss
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