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Dead of Winter

by The Mess Inside

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1.
are you here with me? do i feel you floating through my body? are you whispering to me? is your voice shuddering and wishing me well? because i have not been well i've seen you between all the trees i've seen you wandering my school halls i've seen you praying in this room to me i've seen you washing out all your sins are you here with me? do i feel you floating through my body? are you whispering to me? is your voice shuddering and wishing me well? because i have not been well
2.
nlm 03:40
seemingly out of habit i found myself placing things to block the door as a sort of counterweight and nobody was home nobody was home at all nobody was home nobody was home at all all i've got left in my lungs are fragile, weak breaths and stifled cries and all i've got left in my eyes are distant moons far away from you and nobody was home nobody was home at all nobody was home nobody was home at all and nobody was home nobody was home at all nobody was home nobody was home at all
3.
0 full of scorpions is my mind I taste bitter root in my mouth No weapons forged against me shall prosper Any evil wished against me shall be reflected back tenfold O existence, let me be known My eyes calcify over time Muscles rot and sinews snap and melt Until blood and ash cannot be told apart Your fathers, where are they? And the prophets, do they live forever? O my unrestrained rage! My mind's fury renders me unable to see straight Driven to madness by blinding anger I will use what's left of my strength to raze and salt the earth Your fathers, where are they? And the prophets, do they live forever? Gathering dust to build a mountain Whatever it takes, I will expand the expanse Between you and me
4.
now we're strangers now we're strangers now we're strangers strangers again now we're strangers now we're strangers now we're strangers strangers again i always wondered if you'd miss me, and if i came back, if you'd remember me heaven's in your touch and heaven's in your laughter and heaven's in your embrace but i'm never going to heaven now we're strangers now we're strangers now we're strangers strangers again now we're strangers now we're strangers now we're strangers strangers again i'm finding myself at the bottom of an empty swimming pool i miss you so goddamn much that the color is draining out my eyes and out my skull and out my mouth out goes my soul out my eyes and out my skull and out my mouth out goes my soul out my eyes and out my skull and out my mouth out goes my soul out my eyes and out my skull and out my mouth out goes my soul now we're strangers now we're strangers now we're strangers strangers again now we're strangers now we're strangers now we're strangers strangers again
5.
dprsnlztn 02:28
helpless against the noise in my head clawing through sinews and layers of me until my whole world's red shrieking with joy as i locate what's left of myself tearing out the worst and feeling peace as the whole world turns to black the whole world turns black for me one of the few things that i really want cause all i really want is for everything to go wrong happy birthday merry christmas go away go away
6.
stupid, weak, ineffectual boy all your grand gestures are ultimately worthless grind your teeth and narrow your eyes hold back flustered tears, and spit on the ground it'll all be for naught all your grand gestures are ultimately worthless screaming in an empty room nobody can hear you and nobody cares you'll never have what it takes to mean anything to anyone silently going through your days some day they'll end and no one will notice creeping sense of unending dread in a hundred years, none of this will matter stupid, weak, ineffectual boy all your grand gestures are ultimately worthless grind your teeth and narrow your eyes hold back flustered tears, and spit on the ground it'll all be for naught all your grand gestures are ultimately worthless
7.
nothing of consequence is cropping up in my vision nothing of importance will ever come to fruition my mind is slowly rotting, and what's left of my body is seeping into the stomach of the earth whole masses of memories and of achievements all washed away in the snow everything will eventually be reduced to nothingness and if the stinging, unending waves of pain and fear aren't gripping my heart, then nameless vultures sitting on my chest, ensuring that i never make myself known because why should i? what have i done to deserve to live? who here can cast the first stone? who here even cares? i am consumed by the trivialities of life i am paralyzed by the banalities of being
8.
sitting and waiting patiently seeing the sun but feeling no warmth blithely watching the colors drain out of me when will the world when will the world end? who's that coming coming round the bend? looking left and right, knowing my life will come crashing down soon enough there's no real chance of living in perfect splendor or feeling the urge to get out of bed in the morning it's important to temper your expectations disappointment's too hard to deal with when will the world when will the world end? who's that coming coming round the bend? looking left and right, knowing my life will come crashing down soon enough it's not a matter of if, but when it's not a matter of if, but when it's not a matter of if, but when it's not a matter of if, but when it's not a matter of if, but when it's not a matter of if, but when it's not a matter of if, but when it's not a matter of if, but when
9.
dreamt that a lamb bit my thumb broke the skin, drew blood the pain of salvation flowing freely it's a lonely feeling when you let go of me felt your gaze move on when you got what you wanted from me it's a lonely life, la di da it's a lonely world it's a lonely life, la di da it's a lonely world forgive me father, for i have sinned i didn't mean to break my wings it's just a bad habit of mine a favorite way to kill the time bending away the slake it's a lonely life, la di da it's a lonely world it's a lonely life, la di da it's a lonely world we're all so far away from where we want to be and we're all several degrees from who we need to be
10.
i will stare at the wall until the pattern forms i will obsess over words and phrases until i find the meaning and the origin where did i misplace all of these memories? god existed in my childhood memories, but i'm losing them one by one every day the holy ghost fades a little more every day the holy ghost fades a little more
11.
every minute feels like borrowed time and i'm too focused on hearing the moments tick away to do anything of note with what few seconds i have left i keep trying to absolve myself of shame by saying that i tried but god, did i? oh god, did i really ever try? i want to go home, but home won't have me i want a good life, but my mind won't let me every good moment in my life, i have forgotten all i want is pain and loss and to finally let go but god, will i? oh god, when will i finally let go?

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the world forgetting, by the world forgot

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released December 21, 2018

levi: vox & drums, rhythm guitar, keys
tyler: lead guitar, keys

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The Mess Inside Asheville, North Carolina

lofi from the abyss

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