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All Dead Years

by The Mess Inside

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1.
you can't go back in time 08:13
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frozen in place trapped in time awaiting my fate coming down the line no lights on the ground just shadows overhead if you smile, you're not real you can't go back in time though afraid and weak now someday i shall be strong and as god is my witness i shall bury you i shall bury you i shall bury you
2.
thin. thinner. 03:40
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less is more, oh less is more it'll never be enough less is more waste away 'til i'm a drop on the floor waste away 'til i'm a drop on the floor i wanna be thin i wanna be thinner i wanna be thin, thin, thin i wanna be thinner i wanna be thin i wanna be thinner i wanna be thin, thin, thin i wanna be thinner let me make myself smaller let me reduce my existence to the absolute bare minimum pangs and twitching hands are the costs of being lovable i wanna be thin i wanna be thinner i wanna be thin, thin, thin i wanna be thinner i wanna be thin i wanna be thinner i wanna be thin, thin, thin i wanna be thinner would you tear yourself apart for me the way i tear myself apart for you?
3.
face listens 02:43
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making rough work of it, you wrapped my heart up in plastic and later left somewhere on the side of the road indiscriminately, you left pieces of me scattered all throughout the woods already watching the ground claim me, bugs and animals tearing at me like you had done before your heart not in it, you soundlessly erased every mention of me every bit of evidence that i ever meant anything to you at all the abyss opened up and devoured all that was left, faces, facts, and memories until nothing was left you might be gone from me, but our history remains you might be gone from me, but our history remains i still have some of you in my heart and although i tried to burn the pieces long ago and patch over the damage, you'll always still be there but i wanna remove every trace of you that remains you touched my arm, cut it off you were all i could see, blind me now you had a place in my heart, rip it out you might be gone from me but our history remains you might be gone from me but our history remains
4.
heartcry 02:21
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how beautiful are my dreams when, in the reflection following each and every night, i find your footprints and scented perfume drifting through hazy, phantasmic air holy light fills up the room encompassing you the stars fall all around the world's winding down all i need to make it to the morning is you all i need to make it to the morning is you
5.
smtms, smtms nt 05:40
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sometimes i can make it to the grocery store nearby and stumbling, bleary eyed, wander picking up a few things to restock and maybe i can hold a conversation once in a while holding cheap facades that mask everything going on but sometimes i can't because sometimes i lock myself up in my room with the shades drawn and hiding, trembling, i'm waiting for everything to fall apart already let me rot in peace sometimes i think that i can do the things everyone's expected to like talking, working, existing but everything is always too much for me nothing's ever enough i'm always so tired of everything overstimulating, overdoing feeling everything nothing's ever enough everything is too much the past keeps sticking out in tufts of drying ink sprouting out from what i'm writing so i bought some tape and keep trying to press it all down so the whole thing stays neat, and clean, and doesn't show the world how bad it's getting but flowers grow through concrete and memories flow through my bloodstream thin rivulets seeping into the text until i'm drained, and everyone can see what's in me sometimes i think that i can do the things everyone's expected to like talking, working, existing but everything is always too much for me nothing's ever enough i'm always so tired of everything overstimulating, overdoing feeling everything nothing's ever enough everything is too hard and i don't wanna die alone but everything's pointing into directions i don't want to take but i find myself going anyways trying to stay upbeat but is there really any other ending for me that doesn't conclude with collapsing and imploding what's left of my mental frame like a cheap lawn chair never stood a chance against my self-destructive tendencies sledgehammer of self-hatred crashing to the earth like an obsolete satellite dime a dozen, keep me posted for when someone more interesting shows up
6.
cause/effect 04:12
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there's a hole in the bottom of the ocean that formed completely at random a tiny blip that gradually widens and no one knows where it all goes and no one knows that it's even happening hours go by, days even and it's weeks before anyone begins to notice and months before it's taken seriously and by that point, what is there to do? it's so easy for disaster to strike and pass us by, for death to seep up through the ground noxious fog entering our lungs before anyone notices and by then, it's too late no one knows where it all goes no one knows where we all go when the bottom opens up they're burning a hole in the sky maybe letting something through a pinprick bleeding light that, now shown, exposes us to the bright light of hellfire against the backdrop of a typical night but no one sees it raining down they just pull the curtains shut and pretend that nothing's going on housewives whispering to themselves "out of sight and out of mind" and "god loves all of his children" but when their children stop coming home from school and their husbands don't come back from their jobs and it's too dangerous to go alone will, then, we finally see the countless dead? but even then, it's too late no one knows where they all go no one knows where we all go when the sky cracks open no one knows where we all go when the bullets start to fly no one knows where we all go when good men go to war and die no one knows where we all go when the lights go out one by one no one knows where we all go when the bottom opens up no one knows where we all go when the bottom opens up no one knows where we all go no one knows where we all go no one knows where we all go no one knows when we'll go
7.
let me go there 00:25
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what are the most isolated places on earth known to man? let me go there
8.
soft jagged lines 01:58
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soft, jagged lines disappearing over time nothing works out how it should i'd erase everything if i could and i want to fill the cracks in my body with endless cement to keep me from moving and to prevent the pain from rearing its head so what's going on outside of my head? because the noise won't stop nothing ever stops
9.
a voicemail, left at night, unopened 03:12
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why won't you listen when i talk? why won't you listen when i talk? everything i try and say to you is falling on deaf ears everything i try and say to you is falling on deaf ears why won't you pick up when i call? why won't you pick up when i call? everything i wanna say to you is going straight to voicemail everything i wanna say to you is going straight to voicemail why won't you look up when i walk in? why won't you look up when i walk in? everything i wanna be for you is always never enough everything i wanna be for you is always never enough
10.
someday the sadness will end 01:49
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i came up to the threshold oh yes i did i came up to the threshold almost went on in but at the last, i backed down i ran away at the last, i back down little piggy ran all the way home too afraid to exist now, oh no leave me alone in my room too afraid to exist now, oh no i'll talk to you when you get home
11.
holy hell 04:27
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recanting the sin of human existence lying face down on the floor like jesus fell over during his execution breathing in the dust bunnies please forgive me for everything please forgive me for everything please forgive me for everything forever standing at the fringe of humanity always hovering at the precipice afraid of taking any form terrified of settling on a single identity i’ve forgotten how to be human i’ve forgotten how to be human i’ve forgotten how to be human i want the sea to open up in front of me and to take me in entirely i want the darkest corners of the earth to swallow me whole gog magog, gog magog gog magog, gog magog gog magog, gog magog please forgive me for everything please forgive me for everything please forgive me for everything
12.
goodbyes need not last forever 03:16
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the thread is fraying and the line is cutting off what do i do so that i don't lose you? is there even any point in trying? still denying that it's all about to go away do you want to go somewhere after this? i've been too busy replaying memories of brave new worlds to see the writing on the wall who might we be in the next life, you and I? all i can tell myself now is that goodbyes need not last forever

about

from the table of my memory
i'll wipe away all trivial fond records

credits

released May 26, 2021

guitar on you can't go back in time. let me go there, soft jagged lines, goodbyes need not last forever - tyler toddre
solo on cause/effect - tyler toddre
everything else - ephraim grey

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The Mess Inside Asheville, North Carolina

lofi from the abyss

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